The Hurt After Birth

One of the most miraculous experiences is the birth of a child. Even before birth, I find myself in awe at the fact that a small human is being developed inside of another. Just think about the anatomy of the human body. All of the small details that make each one of us unique. A unique human that will one day grow into an intricate being with its own personality. Accomplishing dreams, designed by God. For me, when I think about the entire process of pregnancy and birth, I count it as an honor and blessing just to be granted the opportunity to be used as a vessel to bring another life into this world.

Often, I get a little amused when I hear stories about the fathers who experience sympathy pains and cravings alongside the mother during pregnancy. Especially when the men experience labor pains. Oh, labor pains! I can remember secretly wishing that my husband would feel a baby kick or two because he had this notion that pregnancy was always breezy for me. However, he did experience cravings or at least that was the excuse he used to binge on snack cakes and chocolate. Although every woman experiences a different pregnancy and childbirth, we all some sort of anxiety when it’s time to deliver our child. The Bible says, "A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come, but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child was born into the world." John 16:21 NIV. Once we see our child's face we seem to forget all of the aches, pains, mood swings, cravings, and complications we may have had. Your heart is swelled with love as you lay eyes on this being for the very first time and you can't explain how you've developed such a strong love for this little stranger.

A few days pass and you begin to feel differently. You're tired. More like exhausted. You still haven't caught up on rest since the birth. Your new baby doesn't seem to stay quiet long. You can't seem to keep him satisfied. Maybe he hasn't even begun to latch on properly so you're feeling like he isn't even getting nourishment. Are you even doing this right? Now you're fearful and frustrated. Yea, the baby blues are common for women to experience. And it normally doesn't last very long. But for another group of women, we dip into what is called "Postpartum Depression." It leaves you feeling unloved, unworthy, not good enough, and sometimes unattractive. And while you're going through this, it's difficult to see through the fog to the light at the end of the tunnel. I can remember after my third pregnancy feeling like a dark cloud was hovering over me, weighing me down. I would take multiple showers each day. Not because I felt dirty, but because it was only time I could ugly cry out to God without my spouse or children witnessing my meltdown. I found myself avoiding them because I didn't know when I would be triggered and have a breakdown. I was stressed. My hair was falling out. I was trying to appear as kept together. But inside I was a mess. The most enjoyable experience had turned into a nightmare and I didn't know when I would wake up. I had a heavy, dark hurt in the pit of my stomach and I didn't even think that my husband would even understand what I was going through. I didn't even know how to reach out to my closest girlfriends.

Eventually, I moved past these feelings. I don't know how. I believe it was by the grace of God and His strength. But I often wondered, "why Lord?" Why do we as women go through this? Isn't the trails of pregnancy and labor enough pain? How many women experience this hurt and suffer in silence? I felt like I had been spiritually drained after going through Postpartum Depression. I sometimes had feelings of guilt because I knew that I had not been the wife and mother that I had been called to be. The one that I knew I was. Then it dawned on me. I had been in spiritual warfare and it didn't even know it. But why?

We know that God is love and we were called to love. "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law? Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:36-40 NIV. And when you give birth to your child, that unconditional,

love you're giving them is the first and one of the most important, kinds of love that they'll experience. It's their first encounter of Christ through you. I feel that a mother's love is a representation of Christ-like love. "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." John 15:13 NIV. We will do anything for our children to make sure that their needs are met. We will do anything to ensure that our children have an opportunity to be successful. Anything to make them feel loved. And Satan is out to destroy that love. He wants you to feel discouraged. Like you're not equipped for motherhood. But, "So that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:17. Everything that your child needs, God has given you the means to provide. The enemy wants you to feel saddened and depressed. Although motherhood can be challenging and tiring the Bible says, "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:12 NIV.

Allow the Lord to give you peace and rest. The challenges of motherhood may not go away but God can give you peace, comfort, and strength to make it through what may seem like one of the darkest times of your life. Don't give the enemy the victory. Stay rooted in Christ. That may mean reading your devotional a few more times each day or setting aside a time for prayer without interruption. I think sometimes we get overwhelmed with life and put these things aside. But make it a priority in your life. You’ll be amazed at the impact of a few more extra, quiet moments with God will have in your life. Continue to seek Him during this time so that you can continue to be the light of Christ in your newborn's life. We know where our strength comes from. So, when the enemy tries to sneak in with lies you can remember why you were put in your child's life. To love and nurture…

This was my experience with Postpartum Depression. Although I did not seek medical attention, in hindsight I believe that it would’ve been beneficial for both me and my family. If you are currently struggling with depression, I encourage you to reach out to your doctor. Talk to your spouse if you need to. Reach out to a friend. Don’t’ harbor your hurt inside. I do wholeheartedly believe that there is a spiritual aspect to depression but I also believe that some of the things that come to fruition in the natural can be treated.

Be blessed!

Shatéveon

XOXO